Missed Connections

Have you ever read that section of the newspaper and wondered if they ever found the person they were looking for?

Sometimes it astounds me that our lives are so precariously connected. Each small decision you make directly affects who you meet, and who you don’t; who will impact your life, and who won’t. Do you turn left or do you turn right? Say “Hello”, or keep walking? There is no way of knowing how each individual you connect with will contribute or detract from the quality of your life, but each individual will, in some way, have a part in shaping your destiny.

I remember that August afternoon at work. I was on the sales floor straightening merchandise which I had already pretended to straighten many times before, just to look busy. I stared wistfully out the tall glass front doors. It was warm and sunny out. I wondered if I would be able to convince the supervisor to let me go home early.

A customer wandered around my department, just browsing. Picking up merchandise, looking at it, and putting it back. He was wearing a baseball hat and was turned mostly away from me, but I could tell he was Hispanic. I decided to practice my Spanish - one of the only things I enjoyed about my job.

“Necesitas ayuda?” Do you need help, I asked him. He turned and looked at me. Our eyes met and I had the sensation of my heart skipping a beat. I felt a connection, a recognition between our souls. My cheeks burned hot, and I saw that his face had flushed, too.

He would later tell me that he was scared out his mind to ask me for my phone number, but he summoned all his courage and forced himself to do it.

We have been married over 10 years now.

Sometimes I wonder what if I had played hooky from work that day? What if I had decided not to approach him? What if he had never wandered into the store on a whim, and instead had kept walking home - which is where he was going. What if he had let his shyness overcome him and never asked for my phone number? Would we be just another missed connection? Where would he be now? Where would I be?

“There are no little events in life, those we think of no consequence may be full of fate, and it is at our own risk if we neglect the acquaintances and opportunities that seem to be casually offered, and of small importance.” ~ Amelia E. Barr

Hug a Stranger

Aisha gave an update on her 108 in 2008 which reminded me that I need to do that, too.

I have accomplished a few more things on the list but if my math is correct, I need to do approximately 12 things each month for the rest of the year to complete it all. Funny how things pile up when you procrastinate.

Here are a few of the things I was able to cross off the list:

3. Click to donate on the HungerSite every day for a week.
Because I’m forgetful I thought I would never get this one completed. I’d remember to go to the HungerSite for a few days, and then forget one day and have to start over. Then I saw they have an option to subscribe. They E-mail me every single day with the link reminding me to come click to donate. It has worked brilliantly. Not only have I clicked to donate every day for a week, but every day for many weeks. I encourage everyone to subscribe and do the same. It takes literally 30 seconds of your time each day while you’re checking E-mail, it costs you nothing, and it feeds hungry people. That’s a pretty good deal.

11. Bake Biscochitos.
I had baked and eaten biscochitos once, many years ago. My older sister was living in New Mexico and she gave me a mix which already included all the dry ingredients. I made them and loved them. The taste of the anise is so unique. Ever since then I’ve been meaning to find a recipe and make them from scratch. I finally did and they came out just as I remembered. Carlos and the boys loved them, too. (For the recipe I used, see here.)

20. Hug a stranger.
This happened unexpectedly. I’ve actually been trying to find an opportunity to do it but none of them felt right, until last Sunday. I took the boys to church, but we didn’t go to the church we usually go to. I like to visit other churches in the area sometimes.

We went to a church service that is held at the high school. I could pretend to be color blind and not mention the next thing I’m about to say, but I can’t ignore the obvious. The congregation was nearly entirely black.

It’s a strange feeling for a white person, to be nearly the only white person in the room. It’s something we don’t often experience, and it gives me greater empathy for what minorities must often feel like. There’s an uncomfortable self awareness that occurs.

I knew this church was primarily black and so I was better prepared this time. I put on my nicest clothes, which honestly, still weren’t nice enough to compete with what others had on. My 9 year old Nick whispered, “Next time we come here, I want to wear a tuxedo like everyone else.” (He calls any kind of fancy suit a “tuxedo”.)

We took a seat towards the back. I know that in some churches people have certain seats they like to sit in each week. I didn’t want to take someone’s favorite seat, and besides, I was feeling shy. An usher wearing white satin gloves approached us a few minutes later and asked us if we’d please move up and join everyone else. I readily agreed although I was uncomfortable. I was later thankful that the usher had given us the opportunity to come sit with everyone else and be a part of things rather than just observers.

While we waited for service to start, my 6 year old son Julian piped up, “Let’s play I-spy!” I immediately knew this was a bad idea but he started the game before I could stop him. He called out loud and clear, “I spy, with my little eye, something that is WHITE!” … I nearly did a face palm right then.

Eventually service started and it was phenomenal. (This coming from someone who usually finds church boring.) I actually had fun and felt uplifted. First the youth performed a step dance routine, which was really cool. Then they had praise through music.

At most white churches praise through music is singing (or mouthing the words) with hymnals. If you’re lucky, you’re in a contemporary church with a good rock/pop band - but still, participation from the audience is minimal and has to be encouraged.

This was not the case at this church. Those in attendance were just as much a part of the music, the experience, the worship, as anyone up on stage. It was like a celebration. It was contagious. I, who usually stand politely and mouth the words, found myself clapping and yes, even dancing. I danced in church, and the people who smiled at me, I think they smiled because they were pleased, and not because I seriously lack rhythm. (To be fair, I had a good clap going for awhile but Nick kept clapping on the off beat and confusing me.)

After the music the Preacher read the verses from the Bible on which he would base his sermon. He asked us to join hands in prayer before he began. I looked to my left. The black woman sitting next to me looked at me hesitantly. I stretched out my hand, and she took it. As the Preacher prayed, I had a difficult time focusing. I kept thinking about my hand. Is it too sweaty? Am I holding her hand too tight? Too loose? At one point during the sermon the Preacher said that we pray for our neighbors sitting next to us, and she gave my hand a squeeze.

When I opened my eyes, she was smiling at me. I opened my arms and gave her a hug.

Barack O’Bollywood

There are a lot of Barack Obama videos out there from inspirational musical compilations such as Will.i.am’s Yes We Can, to funny movie mashups, like the Star Wars themed, The Empire Strikes Barack and the Rocky inspired Baracky.

If you like Latin music we’ve got Cumbia de Obama, Reggaeton Obama, and Viva Obama (Mariachi), just to name a few.

Well, now we have Bollywood Obama. This video is so weird yet entertaining, and I think the editing is fantastic - great timing with the music. The song is a Hindi song called “Chori Chori Gori Se“. It’s a love song but I found the translation of the lyrics interesting. In part they say, “Can’t someone tell me when will the one who’s coming arrive?”

My 9 year old son just came over to my desk and watched this video. His exact words were, “Wow. That is really creative. You don’t find stuff like that in America.”

Go Green (book review)

The title of the book, Go Green - How to Build an Earth Friendly Community by Nancy H. Taylor, is self explanatory.

The first thing I noticed was that the book was printed on recycled paper, so at least the author walks her talk, but while Go Green offered many useful tips, there was also quite a bit of misinformation. (You can read more on that here.)

The most useful and interesting part of this book were the resources at the back. The author compiled an extensive list of websites, addresses, phone numbers, books, organizations, etc. that go on for several pages. The resources include everything from “green” architects to eco-friendly tampon alternatives. (I told you, it’s extensive!)

If you check out this book just do so with a discerning eye. While the author probably should have done a little more research on some issues (such as nuclear energy, which is not evil as most people believe it to be), it’s chock full of useful information.

Mischief Making and Sign Taking

The Obama sign I put near the Elementary school disappeared. I pulled over to the side of the road and put the car in park, staring at the spot where it had stood just yesterday. At first I thought maybe it had fallen down or blown away, but it was completely gone. A Ron Paul sign only feet away stood, untouched.

I tried to stay positive. It was obvious that someone had stolen it, but maybe they stole it because they liked it; not that it makes the act of stealing acceptable. It just made me more comfortable to imagine the sign simply found a new home, and had not been destroyed.

A few hours later I found myself running an errand which took me by the busy intersection near the bank. This time the Obama sign lay crumpled on the ground. I got out of my car to retrieve it but it was not salvageable. It was covered in dirt and holes, as if it had been trampled and stomped on. Again, a nearby Ron Paul sign stood by the roadside untouched.

I drove around the city to see if the rest of the signs had survived. Half of them were gone.

I stopped by Obama Headquarters in downtown and got an even bigger sign to replace the one at the busy intersection. The volunteer who handed me the sign was a handsome younger man with stylish glasses. I told him why I needed the new sign. He listened, tilting his head empathetically. “Yeah,” he said, “That has been a problem. I know, it’s frustrating.”

I didn’t press him for details but I wondered if this was an organized effort, and if so, organized by whom? Was it just some mischievous individuals? What was their intent? What was their motivation? I wondered if I really wanted the answers to those questions.

Last night a car stopped in front of our house, beeped their horn and drove off. We have an Obama sign on the front door. I wondered if it was a friendly gesture or a warning of things to come.

i-Citizenry

Open Brand: When Push Comes to Pull in a Web-Made World
by Kelly Mooney and Nita Rollins is a necessary read for any business owner these days.

I don’t own a business but found it interesting. So much has changed in just the past few years when it comes to the way information is shared. We have become more dependent on the internet; from E-mail to YouTube, blogs, and social networks.

Reading this book, as a non-business owner, I completely agree with the authors that it is no longer just a bonus to be web savvy, but necessary to survival for any company - be it a huge corporation or a small local business.

I don’t know how many times I have looked for a company online and then discovered they don’t even have a basic webpage. I usually take my business elsewhere when I can’t find the information I need in the way that is easiest for me.

My favorite part of the book was the chapter on “i-citizenry”, (that’s us!) They had interesting little profiles of some of the “celebrity” i-citizens among us, including “Kos” of DailyKos.com.

We live in a new era. Our voices are stronger and louder than any time in history. An ordinary blogger like you or me has the potential to spread their ideas around the world. We have more opportunities to make a difference. Big businesses have come to respect our influence and they’re listening to us. Don’t take it for granted.

Lucky pup

I came across these photos yesterday and found them really touching. What beautiful hearts these little boys have.

“Two kids rescue a puppy trapped in an an aqueduct in Thailand. March, 2008.”

Source: Flickr

We are the change that we seek

I stopped by the local Obama headquarters in downtown today. I volunteered to put yard signs around the city. They gave me the sign part but said they were out of the metal stakes. I took the signs anyway, thinking I would find some other way to put them up.

I tried with wooden dowels I bought at a mega home improvement store. I stood at the corner of a busy intersection trying to pound the sticks into the ground with a rock. I felt everyone at the red light staring at me. I managed to put up a sign but it’s not stable. I think I’ll have to go back tomorrow and figure out something else. I’m really dreading it but I will go.

Carlos hasn’t made this any easier on me. We had an argument when he found out I had volunteered. I wish he was more supportive of the things I feel passionate about. He said,

“You’re out there driving around putting up signs and not even being paid!”

I knitted my eyebrows together. “But I don’t want to be paid. I want to do it because I want to contribute. I want to be part of this. Not everything is about money.”

“You have other things you should be doing! Why don’t they do it?!”

“Who is ‘they’?”

“The other people!” he shouted, sweeping his hand through the air.

“That’s exactly the mentality that keeps things from getting done. We are the other people.”

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” - Barack Obama

Unrequited… Friendship?

Why am I sitting here with an untouched lukewarm coffee? Let me tell you a story.

I decided to make contact with the bus stop lady that I see each morning.

My first attempt was hindered. As I drove up I saw that my bus stop lady had been joined by another woman. They weren’t speaking, in fact, they were turned away from each other - strangers. But I thought, I can’t walk up and offer a drink to my bus stop lady and leave the new one out. I’ll have to wait until tomorrow.

The next day I pulled into the coffee shop on the corner where she waits. Actually, it’s not so much of a “coffee shop” in the hip sense. It’s more of a run down house converted into a homestyle breakfast counter. A group of local men in flannel shirts and overalls stood around on the front porch smoking and talking about the weather. I noticed only jingle bells and an “OPEN” sign on the front door of the little restaurant.

“Excuse me,” I said, tapping one of the men on his elbow.
The man towered over me. He turned and looked down at me, saying nothing.
“Do you know, do they take debit cards? I don’t see the little visa symbol thingy…” I said gesturing to the door, my voice trailing off as I looked back up at him. There was just a hint of amusement under his gruff expression.

“Nooooo, ma’am.”

He answered in such a way that made my question seem utterly ridiculous. I might as well have asked if they accepted pesos or conch shells for the way he and his friends looked at me. I mumbled a sheepish “Thank you” and high tailed it back to my car so I wouldn’t hear them laugh at me.

This morning I remembered to snatch $2 cash from my 6 year old son’s wallet as we left for school. (I’ll pay him back later. Really, I will.) I dropped the kids off at school and felt my heart beating in my chest as I pulled into the little coffee shop parking lot.

The bus stop lady was there and she was alone. I had cash in my pocket. Today was the day.

I went inside and ordered a coffee. The older woman behind the counter called me “darling” and “honey”, as she took my money and gave me change. The coffee was black and so I grabbed a few packets of sugar and a red stirrer. As a second thought I snatched some napkins, too. My hands were full and so I pushed the door open with my arm and walked down to the corner where the bus stop lady stood with her back to me.

I stopped a few feet behind her. She didn’t turn around. I cleared my throat. She did not move.

“Excuse me?”

She turned and looked at me. Seeing her close up face to face, I realized that she’s not Hispanic. In fact, I have no idea what heritage she might be. When she spoke it became apparent that she was first and foremost an American. Her English was casual and unaccented. I sought eye contact, to make a connection, and found that she was guarded and uncomfortable.

“Um, I drive by every day and see you standing here. I just thought I’d like to buy you a coffee.”
I held out my hands which were filled with coffee, sugar packets, stirrer, and napkins. I felt childish, like a little kid offering a messy piece of artwork to their mother.

“Oh. I don’t drink coffee. Thanks anyway.” She turned her back to me once again, looking off in the distance, waiting for the bus.

I stood there for a second with everything in my hands feeling incredibly foolish. I forced a cheerful tone, “Oh, OK! Um… OK!”

I turned and hurried back to my car. I put the coffee into the cup holder and tossed everything else on the passenger seat. I couldn’t start the car and get out of there soon enough.

As I drove home I went through a range of emotions. Some of my thoughts were, “What in the world just happened? What did I do wrong? I knew I should have gotten a different drink! … Well, at least I tried. Her loss. Why was she so mean? Am I taking this too personally? Why did I bother? Will she go home tonight and tell her husband about the weird little Caucasian woman who tried to give her coffee? Should I try again with a different drink or is that creepy?”

I wondered why making friends as adults is so complicated. In Elementary school there was this girl named Lina. I didn’t know her but for some reason, I knew she would make a good friend. I approached her at the school store one day in 5th grade.

The school store was a little classroom that was open early in the morning before the bell rang. You could buy pencils and other supplies. I was always there buying decorative erasers for my collection. I had erasers shaped like bunnies, and horses. I had ones that smelled like strawberries and vanilla ice cream. I loved my eraser collection.

That morning at the school store, Lina picked through the box of erasers next to me.
“Hi.” I said.
She smiled. “Hi.”
“Do you collect erasers, too?”
“Yes. I love them!”
“Maybe we could show each other our collections sometime and trade.”
“That would be fun.”

And like that, our friendship was sealed. She gave me her address and after school I rode my bike to her house. We traded erasers and were friends through the New Kids on the Block craze and more.

Now as an adult, I find it isn’t so easy. My friends, besides my husband, sisters and my Mom, are spread all over the world, and most are in fact people I’ve never met. The friendship is no less “real”, but there is something to be said for a friend who can actually hug you instead of sending {hugs} via E-mail.

I can’t even tell my husband Carlos about what happened this morning. He’ll listen to this long depressing story and then offer what he thinks is prophetic wisdom. He will say, “See? This is why I don’t try to make friends.”

And so here I am. With 1 room temperature coffee and 0 new friends.

“People are strange, when you’re a stranger
Faces look ugly when you’re alone
Women seem wicked, when you’re unwanted
Streets are uneven, when you’re down.”
- Jim Morrison

Quotes on Success

“The largest barrier to success is removing the mattress from one’s back in the morning.” ~ Unknown

“Money and success don’t change people; they merely amplify what is already there.” ~ Will Smith

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.” ~ Helen Keller

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” ~ Bill Cosby

“Real success is finding your lifework in the work that you love.” ~ David McCullough

“Again and again I therefore admonish my students in Europe and America: Don’t aim at success — the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run — in the long-run, I say! — success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.”

~ Viktor Frankl